A poorly named child can be traumatized for their entire lives. A wrong name, like in the song by Johnny Cash, A Boy Named Sue can be dreadful. Sue was given the girl’s name to toughen him up by an absentee father.

Surely Sue would not have made that same choice if he was permitted to name himself. It has occurred to me more than once that a child should be given the chance to name him or herself. Sleeping babies named John might reinvent themselves later in life as Sid Vicious. It could happen.

I remember the naming ceremony for my little one. My wife had undergone 12 hours in labor and was dressed to the 9’s - NOT. They wheeled her out of the recovery room with all the fan fair due a new mother. NOT! While she held our sleeping newborn an administrative lady was there, clipboard in hand demanding to know right then what was the kid’s name? We panicked. We didn’t remember the name.

First time moms and dads have been known to hand a baby a name that defies logic. The googability of a name is a hot topic for some obsessive parents. Their feeling is that the search-ability of a name may become important in the years to come when job hunting.

A name should have dignity at the very least. Traditional names are safe. Something funky will always — or better said — eventually get you in trouble. Like Dweezil or Moon Unit, these are real people’s names I might add, and are siblings wouldn’t you know.

A name should also be simple or simply put simple for people to say and spell. It is efficient if not practical to use a J for a soft J sound not a G. We often take jabs at the English language because of bizarre spellings - this time you get to choose. Choose Wisely.

If you have a large closely knit family naming your child will surely upset someone. Maybe Great Aunt Pooky was hoping before she died you would find it in your hearts to name your napping baby after her. Be sure to do what you want. Don’t cave to the pressures family can bring upon you.

No kidding! The act of naming a baby boy or girl is very serious. The name you choose for your sleeping baby should function for you and the child. Imagine calling your little one at the neighbors — Optimus Prime come home and mow the yard. It boils down to choosing a name that gets you and your baby to sleep throughout the night.